As a woman, are you unable to relax? Do you worry constantly about work-related matters, family issues, relationships? All this mental activity could be affecting the area of the brain dedicated to processing fear and anxiety: the amygdala. When this part is over stimulated the chances of the libido becoming stimulated are greatly diminished. In order for a woman to be aroused enough to reach climax the amygdala has to be, in affect, deactivated.
Amy, 31, had been with her boyfriend, Tim, for 4 years before their relationship ended. During that time she had a very active and fulfilling sex life, easily reaching orgasm. Now she’s dating Michael, a man that is “much better looking than Tim”, Amy excitedly confesses. The problem is she’s not achieving sexual fulfillment as she did in her previous relationship. The problem isn’t that Michael lacks skills, “I just have trouble letting my guard down and relaxing” she admits.
One day Amy went to the doctor because she was having painful neck spasms. The doctor prescribed Valium to help relax those tense muscles. While having dinner with Michael she took a pill, and a few hours later they found their way to the bedroom where Amy had an orgasm for the first time.
In addition to being relaxed, for a woman to feel that she can “let go”, lose her inhibitions and not feel self-conscious; she has to feel secure. Men can enhance this sense of security by demonstrating their love. Paying attention to a woman is the biggest compliment. Attention comes in different forms, listening to what she’s saying , an appreciation for what she’s wearing, a sincere compliment of how beautiful she looks suggests that she’s important to the man in her life.
A man will read this and be puzzled by how many “stars have to be aligned” for a woman to orgasm. A man can’t relate to the notion of the mental “to-do list” interfering with sexual satisfaction. The reason for this huge difference amongst the sexes is that men are able to compartmentalize their problems and worries. A man can come home from a long day at work and just “relax” with a beer in front of the TV. A woman can not. She would sit there and worry about housework, think about work, rerun conversations from earlier in the day, it’s a mental nightmare.
A man can do his part to make the woman in his life feel relaxed and secure. Small things like a massage, hugs, saying I love you, doing the dishes (I admit, that’s not small), vacuuming, etc. can go a long way in making the bedroom experience more pleasurable for both of you.
I came across a study I found intriguing, albeit, absolutely predictable.
The study in question was conducted by Nicolas Guéguen, a scientist who I greatly admire. He chose an average looking french woman as the test subject and wanted to see if her breast size had any affect on whether a driver would stop to pick her up.
The test subject was naturally an A cup but modifications were made with the use of a latex implant. Increasing the breast sizes to a B cup (average breast size of a french woman) and a C cup (bigger than average).
The woman stood at the side of the road with her thumb out while the science staff remained out of sight. A security guard was just close enough to prevent any harm from taking place. If a car stopped it was counted as a successful “pickup”.
Here are the results:
(Table 1, p. 1297):
Cup Size A Cup Size B Cup Size C
Male drivers (n = 774) 40/268 46/256 60/250
(14.92%) (17.79%) (24.00%)
Female drivers (n = 426) 12/132 11/144 14/150
(9.09%) (7.64%) (9.33%)
The statistics show that only men’s behaviors were influenced by the hitchhiker’s breast size. Amazing. Men like big breasts!